And another one comes into the mix...

Once again, I have opened up a new blogging account.  I don’t know what it is about me…but I always need to “start fresh,” even though it doesn’t really have an effect.  When I was younger, I started a new journal every few months.  I would want to write in it regularly, and if I broke the pattern, instead of fixing it, I would just start over.  Maybe the new set of blank pages would start up a new life, where I did journal every day.  But I doubt I thought about it that much back then.

When I got my first screen name, that would change every few months too, along with email addresses.  Whenever I came up with a better idea, or got bored of the old one, or was getting too much spam.  Most of the time, I got bored of something and came up with something else just to get rid of the old one.  Then, I would immediately hate this new one because I came up with it under pressure to get rid of the old identity.  For a twelve year old, it seemed like the most important factor affecting my social life.

I always have the urge to reinvent myself.  Start over.  Completely.  I don’t know why no matter how good things seem to be, I can’t be happy and satisfied with who I am.

This is something I think about way too often.  I also procrastinate and waste time too often.  By Friday, I need to finish 7 more pages of a scrapbook, do 3 loads of laundry, go grocery shopping, and most importantly study for my exam monday.  I shouldn’t be doing this right now.  I’ll have plenty of time to write tomorrow at work while I’m waiting for the documents to load!